If lock-down hasn’t made you aware of your less attractive habits, I don’t know what will. I have discovered so much about myself, and recent clients have come to me after realising that their relationship with food, exercise, appearance and all manner of other things is not what they would like. Most notable, has been just how many people struggle with their relationship with alcohol. Currently in the UK, a whopping eighty four percent of men, and forty three percent of women want to drink less...and more than 5.5million people gave up alcohol for dry January in 2019...if booze is so great, why don’t these numbers reflect that?
Alcohol addiction is real; you don’t have to be a morning drinker, or even a daily drinker, to suffer alcohol abuse. In fact, like all addictions (or ‘unhealthy relationships’ which is a far more accurate term for the ‘need’ you might experience) – it is the way in which you think about it which determines if it is a problem. If you obsess about alcohol, it may look like this:

• Scanning friends and families fridges for booze upon arrival at their houses when visiting
• Checking if your mates are ready for the next drink at a pub, dread upon hearing last orders, or ‘stocking up’ by getting 2 drinks at a time, irritation at long waits or queues (not likely at the moment, but if you have experienced this you’ll know what I mean!)
• Panic when you realise you’ve just poured your last glass of wine
• Shame at late night visits to the off licence or supermarket
• Black Outs (that is, waking up on your sofa, in a strange place, or having memory patches whereby there are swathes of time that you cannot recollect)
• Discovering you have offended or upset someone but don’t know how
• Anger or irrational feelings when someone is drinking and for whatever reason, you cannot
• Annoyance at sober people, people who seem to be able to moderate, and those who just aren’t bothered about drinking
• Testing yourself, either by having ‘days off’ drinking, or even weeks off, in order to feel you are in control (if you’re in control, why would you need to do this??)

Basically, when something external (in this case, alcohol) is dictating your mood, behaviour and feelings, it is an issue for you. You cannot be free if alcohol is in charge. Often things have to get pretty low before we feel the need to act, which is simply human nature, we are a rebellious bunch and denial is one of our favourite habits when we’re hiding behind a crutch such as booze. However, it is entirely possible to redefine your life through changing these unhealthy relationships, the very first thing you can do is to have a good hard look at what is currently making you happy, and what is making you sad, fearful or embarrassed. As always, I encourage you to write your feelings down, and to re-visit them later on. From here, you can gently and carefully take a small step toward healing and improving your happiness levels.

1)Tell me about those titles!

I would say that predominantly, I am a channel, which is when you connect to spirit, to your higher self, to source, to the earth and bring energy and information from that which you connect to. You bring this to your client, your circle, yourself; wherever it is needed. It is similar to being a psychic, apart from the fact you are bringing energy through you...I would say that being a psychic comes under the umbrella of channeling, and is one of the ways in which you can channel. Channeling runs through all of my work so all that I do involves channeling at some level. There are three main branches from this, within my work. These are:
 
Healing, which is sometimes one-to-one, but mainly through group work; through workshop, journeys (retreat style events) and ceremonies. The healing depends on what the individual needs, and what the theme of the workshop is. For example, if we’re doing a womb healing day, then we’ll work very much with the divine feminine energy, and the womb or what needs to be healed, shifted or transformed. All sorts of techniques come under channeled healing.
 
Light Work is a term that is used a lot on the spiritual scene, but to me, it is work that is done for the collective; energetic work that works with the grids of the planet, healing the planet, clearing collective consciousness; it’s work for the whole, as opposed to work for the individual. Again, the guidance I receive is channeled, and many techniques are used. Mostly this work is in groups, but occasionally I am guided to work alone, or with just one other person.
 
Shamanic Space-holding is how I describe the ceremonial work I do; I love ceremony, I find it’s been huge for my life, my guides explain ceremony best to me, I’m told “ceremony speaks to the parts of yourself that don’t speak English!” (laughing) – so really it’s about working with the subconscious on the things you’re not so aware of. I call it Shamanic ceremony because we do lots of things that derive from shamanism, such as Cacao and fire ceremonies, but it’s not traditional shamanism, it’s channeled shamanism and as such it has many different layers to it that are not considered ‘traditional’.
 
Space-holding comes into everything, which it’s why it’s at the other end of the title I think! I don’t see myself as a teacher, though sometimes my guides teach through me, but I wouldn’t say that even they see themselves as ‘teaching’, or healing or even as light workers. I think that most of what I do within all of those things, is to hold space, for people to find out what works for them, if people try stuff out, which on my personal path has been absolutely key to my own spiritual growth; find what works, let go of what doesn’t, become empowered in everything that’s learned...all I’m doing is allowing people to have their own experience, I see it as like being a midwife, I’m there  to support, to hold, to give advice and guidance...but they are the ones giving birth, you’re just holding space for them to do so. Starlight is about empowering people in their own healing, spirituality and sense of self, in order to undertake this very important work and light work that heals us, the universe, and the earth.
 
2)What lead you to your current profession?

Well, I think that, as with most people that get involved with spirituality and self-help, it’s due to coming from a place of pain and unhappiness, which is certainly true for me; I was very unhappy as a teenager and I was trying to find a way to make myself happy! So I was reading lots of self-help books, which lead to books on manifesting, and then exploring subjects that are maybe considered a bit more ‘high-energy’, like channeling, healing and things like that. But it was kind of a stepping-stone journey, so it wasn’t something that happened over-night, it gradually evolved, and still is evolving to this day; I still explore many different things when I need help with something, and the things that work are the things I tend to share.
 
3)What did you expect to be doing as a profession?

I thought that I was going to be an actress, that’s what I trained in at drama school. Actually my drama school years were some of the worst years of my life! I really wasn’t happy, I found it to be very prescriptive, the schools I was at tried to box people, to make products out of people; if you were rebellious to the process then you were given a particularly hard time by the faculty. The more free-spirited, creative side of me struggled with being in an almost military-like environment that was meant to be about creativity. (Laughs) So I wasn’t very happy! For a few years I did fringe acting and performance after that. The spirit guides say that we’re never not on our path, as in our path is our path, and it’s always being followed even when it seems not to be. As vibrations shift you hit different levels and have different experiences of your path. I’ve been an actress, a comedienne, a tour guide, and actually all of those things are the same: they’re about communication and connection, and they all taught me things that serve my path massively; there was a huge amount of meditation, breath and body work at drama school, there was voice work too and it’s all essential to the work that I do now. What I’ve learned has been invaluable to me now; comic timing, speaking, working with instincts, bringing humour into my groups when people are nervous or unsure is the best thing to do, put them at ease;  make them laugh and they will relax immediately. Tour guiding taught me how to deal with large groups; Starlight take groups on retreats and journeys, I’ve become brilliant at maneuvering large groups of people due to the walking tours I did in London...we call it herding cats! I think the ultimate version of your path will combine everything that you’ve ever loved in the perfect ‘ingredient combination’ so that you feel completely happy and fulfilled by it. Of course, it changes because we’re always growing, and so whatever I’m doing will serve my path in the future, even if it looks very different from what I’m doing now.
 
4)What made you keep going when things got tough or challenging, what motivated you to continue?

For me, it was kind of accidental. So I learned how to heal and how to channel and I was doing these things as hobbies, then one of the workshops I belonged to had its leader, Solara, move to Ibiza. She gave me her class when she moved, so it was basically handed to me. Again, it was a part time thing; I was juggling it along with acting and tour-guiding and many other things. It slowly became apparent that I preferred this thing to any other, but it took me an awfully long time to completely let the others go. In fact one of the things I cover when I’m talking about manifesting is that you have to clear out the old manifestations that you thought you had, and look at why you thought you had them; acting was never right for me, because actually I’m far better at not being dependent. Looking back, I’d often make excuses for not doing acting, whereas with this, there was nothing that was going to stop me, you know? That’s the difference. Sometimes I’d need to be in Avebury or Glastonbury for 9am, and be up at 4 in the morning and make my way on a bus, across the country! It was that realisation: when something is your path you just do it. When something is no longer your path, you create stories and make excuses. Your path is never easy though; a friend of mine was talking about motherhood and she said that it was both the best thing, and the worst thing in the world, and that is exactly how I feel about my path.
 
5)What motivates you now?

How I keep going...I have learnt that whatever life is showing me, is to help me get to the next stage, no matter how much it feels like it’s working against me at times, it is actually showing me belief systems and things that I need to clear and heal, in order to move on. So I use the experiences I have to move me forward, and it works. I can usually move through ‘obstacles’ quite quickly and easily, I’m like “OK, what’s this belief system and how do I clear it? What do I need to change in order to sort this situation, which life is reflecting at me, out?”.
 
 
6)What do you do for fun, which is not directly connected to your work?

I come from a family of workaholics, and that is actually one of those belief systems that I had to work on very hard...not to be a workaholic. I was forced into that lesson in a very hard way, in that, last winter, the universe basically blocked all of the flow of my workshops; nobody was coming to anything which had never happened before. Eventually I had a channeling with another channel, because I was in such a mess, I couldn’t get my own guidance, and she was just, like “you are having an energy upgrade; it is not safe for you to be working, for at least a few months.” Which for me was absolutely terrifying! It meant that I had to face a lot of the beliefs I held around being addicted to work, and I eventually discovered that it was deeply connected to my sense of self worth and how I needed to let that go and to give myself worth in other ways. It was hugely liberating....so anyway, I’d say ‘not working’ is quite a new thing to me!! I love people; I have an amazing array of friends and family, when I spend time with them, doing anything, whether it be having a barbecue, going for a walk, or to the theatre...that is my “oh, I’m not at work now, I’m not gonna talk about those things right now”...and actually I think that when you do very high vibration energy work, that is far away from the third dimension, as it’s very conceptual, inter-dimensional, then it’s very important not to disconnect from the third, physical dimension reality, because otherwise you’d go mad! You really need to be able to enjoy all of the amazing things within the third dimension; from enjoying lovely food to noticing how beautiful a plant is, to how amazing people are at creating – everything from shows to music, things like that.
 
7)What ONE question would you like to know the answer to?

(SIGHS)....I think that question is ever changing, and it may sound strange but I don’t feel like I have any questions at this time. I feel like, as a channel, I have such an amazing toolbox to answer pretty much anything, that there’s no question that I couldn’t find an answer to. I know that the layers of that answer will change and evolve with me, because there is no one answers to any question, but I feel I can always access the right answers for me at any given time.
 
 
8)Do you have a favourite place in the world?

Ahhh, there are so many places that I love deeply; I’m in love with the planet and travelling is a huge part of my path and life. One place I have repeatedly returned to since I first visited, and it’s a place I have visited every year since first coming, is Ibiza. My connection to that island....every time I go, it gives me something more, and every time I take groups there, we do a journey there now, it is so magical it blows my mind; we always discover more of its secrets....and it’s an absolute love affair, that island and me! Avebury, in the UK, that’s another place I keep going back to, Avebury is where my work as a channeler, light worker and space holder began, I return there every winter solstice, some times more than once, like Ibiza, it’s a power place for me; they’re soul places, they’re something more than just a place I’ve visited; they’re deeply connected to who I am, and I’m deeply connected to what they are.
 
9)Without hesitation, describe yourself in five words:

Magical, excitable, communicator, happy, and empowered.

10)What ONE piece of advice would you give to your 18 year old self?  

As confused, wild, unhappy and lost as I was at 18, I wouldn’t give her any advice. Everything she did, has lead me to where I am now, as did all of the other ages that I have been, and this truth that I have about your path always belonging to you and always being right for you...I am so grateful for... I cannot express how often the most traumatic times of my life have been of greatest service to me, and I would never want to divert 18 year old me from that path; I would tell her that she is perfect, and brilliant, though I wouldn’t have told her that at the time. I was a real wild child at 18, but those things that I did lead me to level of great compassion, I would not have that depth of understanding without those experiences, and so I will leave her just as she is.

Katy runs many online courses, group journeys and ceremonies. Based in Brighton, Starlight run experiences all over the world, for further information and access to all that they can offer, please visit 
 them HERE

There’s no getting away from it, we’re at our very best when we are vulnerable. If it’s not scaring us then it’s probably not pushing us too hard. If we’re not pushing into our edge, out of our comfort zones, then we merely exist. Living requires risk; I think the meaning of life might just be living.

Vulnerability comes from a place of difficulty, we feel vulnerable because of our past experiences, learned behaviors, and beliefs. Vulnerability comes from shame, fear, isolation and confusion. No wonder we balk at the thought of exposing it for the entire world to see. However, what happens when we do expose our soft insides like this? We connect. We become brilliant. We tap into our inner genius and we create meaningful and lasting imprints.

As a wise person (whose name escapes me) once said: Everything you could ever want is on the other side of fear. 
For anyone in any doubt of just how key vulnerability is to us and our true contentment, check out the marvelous Brené Brown’s research via her TED talk here

In fact, check it out even if you’re certain I’m right. It’s brilliant, and you’ll be one of the 3 remaining people on the planet who hasn’t if you don’t, and imagine how vulnerable that’ll make you feel.

I aim to be authentic, authenticity is one of the most wonderful benefits of vulnerability; it’s also really hard to achieve some of the time. Like, when there’s anyone else nearby....kidding. But it’s tough; it’s not something that comes naturally to most of us. We have a facade, or many facades, and exposing our truths can be testing. But almost all of what we feel, dread, and associate with our vulnerability is internalised, on the outside we appear the same, in fact, we appear pretty groovy. Authenticity is, after all, a lot easier to not fake than fakery is to fake. There’s probably a better way of saying that.

The majority of people I talk to in the course of my day come ready prepared with a degree of vulnerability, and I wanted to share some things that are easy to forget at times when our authenticity is being challenged (by ourselves more often than not). It is my belief that:

1. Everyone has a story that will break your heart
2. It’s not “easier for them”
3. No-one “got lucky”
4. “I can’t” usually means “I won’t”
5. “Should” often equals “shame” (Top Tip: replace it with “could” – give you and your inner critic a break)
6. Expectations are absolutely bonkers.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes” - Carl Gustav Jung

It’s more than okay to be vulnerable, it’s essential. True growth begins only when we accept ourselves as we truly are - weaknesses and all. The more vulnerability you allow yourself, the more awesome your relationships will be, and not just those relationships with others, but with the world, and most importantly by far, with yourself. Thich Nhat Hanh says something like: "Being yourself is to be truly beautiful", and we all know how right that is, think how your heart melts at witnessing true vulnerability, it’s like seeing a soul shining through a body. 

As the weather finally warms here in rainy Northern England, thoughts turn to change and growth. It’s only natural to want to clear out the cobwebs at this time of year.  We make our resolutions; we desire shifts and improvements in our lives.

Some time ago, a friend told me to read Doreen Virtues book on time, I expected something around management, but actually it's smarter than that; a refreshing and interesting take on how we perceive time and the impact that has. Many fabulous leaders have their version of this, but Doreen explores our conditioned beliefs in detail and some of it really stuck with me. I've distilled the overarching message, as I perceive it:

There is always something that we want more of, be it time, love, money, sleep...the list goes on. In order to grow ourselves we must look inwards: we hold the key to our own successes, and by taking total responsibility for our lives, we can transform, we can achieve more than we ever dreamed we could. All that we desire is possible, but sometimes our challenges seem insurmountable.

How often do you find yourself saying:

• I’ll get started on that goal just as soon as the kids have left school/I’ve had my holiday/I retire/I’ve got this wedding out of the way
• Maybe I’ll take an evening class when I’m less busy
• I’ll start exercising regularly just as soon as work eases off a bit

 
Or in other words: I’d change my life if I had the time!
The thing is, you do have the time, and you have all the resources you need to make changes for the better. Sometimes it’s just a case of looking at things differently, of learning to stop striving and to start living the life you truly desire. We must remember to live in the present, that future planning is all well and good, but is not the means to contentment. Our ongoing happiness is a continuous journey with no end, so by dropping all sense of reaching the finish line, we can focus on what matters, and welcome the knowledge that time, wealth, peace and joy are abundant.

Some simple ideas about getting things done:

1. Action needs to follow thought, it’s not enough to merely think about achieving something; the universe helps those who help themselves
2. Our personal concept of time create our experiences – if we place limitations on ourselves, we become limited!
3. The desire triangle, made up of three equal tips: Love, Career, Health, are all similarly accomplished goals. Once you achieve success in one area, you can do so in others
4. The goals of the soul are never completed

These days, Doreen's main area of focus is Angel Therapy and she lives here if you want to visit!

 I lie every single day. Whilst there is certainly an exhilaration in truth, but there is also perpetual conflict. Your truths will offend, they will cause difficult conversations, sometimes it just doesn't seem worth being honest; the price is too high when all it takes is a lie. 

In his interview with Philippe Bartu, an ever-so-slightly incredulous Michael Serwa asks where's the gain? It's an interesting exchange of ideas, view it here

After interviewing Dr Brad Blanton (creator of the Radical Honesty website/community and author of many publications on the subject) for Esquire magazine, A.J Jacobs makes some fairly amusing if not rather uninspired observations: children offer unfiltered truths, life gets a bit more complicated when lying is absent, blurting out sexual desires to relative strangers doesn't necessarily create a positive outcome...you get the picture. It's an interesting interpretation (read it here) of the concept, as is Blantons. He may have coined the expression, but telling the whole truth has always been an option open to all of us.

Don Miguel Ruiz distills some Toltec Wisdom into The Four Agreements - probably one of the most practically applicable philosophies I've come across. In context, alongside the other three agreements, Number One agreement reads: Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

Gentler advice perhaps than Blanton, but infused throughout the book. Agreement Four is Don't make assumptions; by not assuming, we're forced to articulate what we want, again something that requires truth.

There is definite simplicity in truth telling, our relationships become closer (or breakdown more quickly, depending on where our truth journeys are taking us), our worlds become distilled into the essence of what matters, our boundaries made clear. We become adept at laser articulation, with no fear of forgetting our stories or being exposed. As a coach I get paid to tell the truth, with my truth comes challenge and introspection. Stuff gets done, or identified as needless, either way my clients are left with clarity and focus, a deeper understanding of their core values. They know what matters and how to have more of what matters, and less of what doesn't, in their lives. If I let my concern for a clients feelings get in the way of what I perceived as the truth, then I wouldn't be serving them to the best of my ability. Strange then, that I cannot apply this 100% across my life. Maybe some times, some people, don't need my dose of reality, maybe I could just keep quiet and let them go about their business.

However, I turn my radical honesty dial up to 11 when it comes to me. If I can't tell myself my truth, how can I expect others to? When it comes to the self, we must aspire to be radically honest, of this I'm sure.

In order to be compassionate and benevolent, and to provide ourselves and others with love and understanding, we need to be honest about our own inner challenges. Our self awareness and honesty provide an authentic and helpful outlook. If we reject or deny our inner selves then we cannot truly grow or assist others in growth of spirit. If we are not humble then not only do we create an attitude of inequality to our fellow beings, but we reject our true selves and therefore our spirituality is clouded by an artificial perspective that prevents true development.

Through self awareness, acceptance of ourselves with all our flaws and challenges, we can develop and change, and offer something of value. It is important that we do not act as islands, or ‘solo performers’; the cosmos is as one and in doing so we isolate the power of the universe that we hold, and will not be acting to our true values. Spirituality in all religions and none so more as in modern spirituality is about serving, practicing gratitude, and giving the best we have in order to help the greater good. Knowing ourselves is key to this, and to connecting as we know we should. By showing respect for ourselves and others we contribute positively to the universal flow, and this is a key activity to behaving in a spiritual manner, and also of great benefit overall.

By seeing the best in others we can develop our relationships in a way that provides positive influence, can assist in helping and improving, and maximise the potential we all have. Having a positive mental attitude towards people, aiming for unconditional love, empathetic understanding, through listening and focus, and by being authentic and true, provides a truly mindful connection at a much deeper level.
​
Modern spirituality takes the most positive aspects of historical religion, and does not focus on the hierarchy and status that created the elitist attitudes that have existed previously. Our care of ourselves and each other should extend to encompass the entire natural world, for we are all part of the same thing, and what surrounds us is as important as what resides within us. By creating a happy and safe environment we make the universe a positive, joyful, better place. Our actions should be grounded in reality and good humour, and so being humble, self-aware, and open is key to delivering this.